WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize