its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you had me at cake vodka
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
