Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
