Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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