The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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