If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
