i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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