Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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