I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
