i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You may now shotgun with the bride
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
