Yo dont text me then not text me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
