we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
