So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
