You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
