I got chris browned last night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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