Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
