It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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