You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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