can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize