I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
