Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
