I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
