I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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