you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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