i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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