no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
