checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
