Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
