I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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