he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
