i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize