Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
