i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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