after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
