Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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