my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
