Be still, my beating vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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