An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
