everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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