So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
