It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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