rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
