YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
