I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
