I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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