I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
