I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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