what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
