I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
