Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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