Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
