I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
