If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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