Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
