I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize