He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
