My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize