I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
