you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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