after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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