What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
