i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize