Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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