you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
