just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize