I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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