just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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