I could make wine with my vomit
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
