WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
