the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
